Swingers faq, Q&A regarding swinging.

Swingers faq, Q&A regarding swinging.

General Hints for Enjoyable Swinging - In the context of swinging, "couples" need not be married. They should, however, have at least a little history together and familiarity with each others' emotional needs, and be comfortable approaching others as a "couple." The general rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view swinging as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than as a replacement for a failing one.

As one would expect, good communication is critical in any attempt at swinging as a couple. There are many, many different forms that swinging may take, and whichever one you choose is fine as long as you and your partner are clear about what you are doing and why. Sex has the potential to be an emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures that may be found in swinging can generally be reached only when both partners are sensitive to each others' needs, and put their partner's comfort first. From a more pragmatic point of view, there will always be another party, another personal ad, another dance, another convention; there may not be another chance to salvage an exploration into swinging if one partner becomes overwhelmed in "the garden of delights" and forgets to treat his or her primary partner with sensitivity and respect.

It's important to keep in mind that swinging is primarily a SOCIAL activity. The ordinary social customs of meeting people and initiating a conversation are really not that different than at any other type of social gathering, and the process by which acquaintances become close friends is not that different either. The key social traits that tend to be appreciated in the swinging community are responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness, open-mindedness, and most importantly stability with regard to one's primary relationship.

As is the case with almost all human social endeavors, if you already know people in a particular community you'll probably be happier if you attend your first few events with these people so they can introduce you to others. Waiting a little while and watching how others behave is also a good idea, as it is in almost any new social situation. Common courtesy, of course, is as welcome in the swinging community as it is in any other community; we're all just people, after all.

There are several different styles of swinging which you may see in the swinging community. Some people may prefer not to be around when their partner is having sex with someone else ("closed swinging"), while others may insist on it ("open swinging"). The term "soft swinging" refers to trading partners just for the purposes of heavy petting and then switching back to one's primary partner for any actual sex. It might be valuable for you to think about whether there are any potential situations that you feel you would be more or less comfortable in, and discuss these with your partner.

Although not all couples find it necessary to do this, some couples feel more comfortable having social "codes" that only the two of them know. Examples might be discreet phrases or gestures which mean a) one of you is attracted to the people or person he or she is talking to and wants to know if you are interested in swinging with them, b) a reply to the above, either affirmatively or negatively, and c) one of you is not having a good time and wants to get away from things for a while.

At off-premises events such as dances, it's common for people to dress up or else wear fairly sexy clothing. Dress at on-premises events tends to be more casual, since nudity is a common outcome of the evening for many. At on-premises clubs it's a good idea to bring something like a robe so you don't have to put all your clothes back on after sex, and to avoid wearing lots of jewelry that might get lost. If there's a dress theme for a particular event, go with the theme.

By the way, it is not necessary to actually have sex with other people to have a good time in the swinging community. Off-premises activities such as dances can provide a wonderful opportunity to flirt and be flirted with in a non-threatening yet sexually-charged atmosphere, which can be fun in and of itself. On-premises activities can provide an opportunity to appreciate the sights and sounds of sex as an enhancement to sex with your primary partner, whether you two decide to have sex at the party or after the party.

Enjoying House Parties and Other On-Premises Events
Since you may have the opportunity to get physically close with one or more folks during the course of the evening, it's probably a good idea to take a shower, brush your teeth, and (if necessary) shave before showing up. If you like to use your fingers inside your partners as part of sex, don't forget to clip your fingernails short.

Even if you're a regular, it's usually polite to make a party reservation rather than just "dropping in", and to cancel your reservation if you can't keep it. For parties in peoples' homes, it's usually polite to ask if there is anything you can bring (e.g. chips or beverages). Arrive on time, and if you are part of a couple be sure you arrive together as a couple.

Generally the host and/or hostess will fill new couples in about party rules and etiquette, often as part of an orientation to their club. The Jacuzzi or hot tub, if there is one, is a good place to get involved in friendly conversations; most folks at swinging events are more than happy to answer questions and talk about their experience of the lifestyle.

It's a good idea for couples to stick together at the party unless they both agree that they'd like to mingle or play separately for a while; if one partner just wanders off, the other may feel abandoned or jealous. If you DO need to have a serious relationship discussion or argument with your partner, however, it's considered polite to do so away from the party in a more private area. In general, if a bedroom or other space is being used for sex it's considered impolite to carry on loud or extraneous conversations in it that might distract others.

The tradition at some on-premises clubs and party houses is for one of the larger rooms to be for the "group scene." Depending on the club some rules of etiquette may be slightly relaxed here; it might be assumed OK for someone to touch you unless or until you say no. Again, this completely depends on the club. Opening closed doors to bedroom areas and then just staring at whatever is going on is usually considered pretty rude, and men will have more fun in ANY of the party's play areas if their female partner is with them (some clubs actually have rules about men going into the "group scene" area without their female partner). If at some point during the evening you decide to wash up, be careful not to use somebody else's towel or washcloth on your eyes or genitals (this should just be common sense).

Using alcohol to excess is a poor idea, especially if you or your partner are just getting into swinging. Many non-swingers have their first quasi-swinging experiences when they are heavily intoxicated, and then regret what they did the next day or blame the alcohol for what they freely chose to do; try to make your experience different from this.

But without question, the most important suggestion I can offer is to always keep track of where you're at, and only do what you want to do. If you don't want to swing with someone, just say no tactfully and courteously. You always have the right to say no to anything, and if someone doesn't take no for an answer you should tell the party host immediately. In swinging, sometimes you will be told, "No, thank you." When this happens, just accept it graciously and don't inquire as to "Why not?"

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